In a surprise to no one, fatherhood in the first year is tough. A lot of it is learning about you, your wife, and your new child (obviously). Even better, a lot of the things that you learn about your child will almost immediately change.

My daughters first birthday is fast approaching, which is shocking to me. It feels like it was just yesterday we were bringing her home full of excitement and worry. In honor of that, I have been reflecting on the first year of fatherhood. A lot of reflection is about what I learned, what I struggled with, and just how worth it everything has been. Hopefully, if you are an expecting parent or you are going through the early years as well, you may find some useful information or comfort knowing that being a new parent is, in fact, not easy.

A quick warning before we dive in. There is going to be mentions of diaper changes, so this blog post isn’t exactly going to be squeaky clean. I’m also going to talk about the time in the hospital when our daughter was born (with the approval of my wife since she was the one in labor). Ill try to keep everything as PG as possible, but just a fair warning.

The Hospital

Our daughter’s arrival was a planned induction. Basically, the doctors were going to make my wife go into labor and deliver our daughter. Both my wife and I thought this would be a one-day visit to the hospital and, at the latest, we would only be there for one night. Boy, we were wrong. Once my wife was induced and started the labor process. We ran into some problems throughout. Eventually, the one-day labor turned into a 72-hour labor that both my wife and I were awake for the majority of. Eventually it was decided that a C-Section was necessary and was completed. They lifted my daughter over the operating veil to show us that she was alright.

I had two thoughts when I saw her.

The first thought: Oh my god I am a dad and that is my daughter!

The second thought: umm is her head going to stay that shape?

My daughter was born with a very pronounced cone head. Now, no one had really prepared me for the fact that yes, that is normal and that babies are born with a bit of a point to their head. Apparently, the doctors there were very used to that question. From there, my cone head of a daughter was moved to a small observation area for a second while the other doctors finished working on my wife. Our daughter was just fine, and the doctor handed me a pair of surgical scissors. I was the one that got to cut the cord. While this was an honor, I hope every dad gets the opportunity to perform, I also realized that I was definitely about doing anything wrong with my daughter. Luckily the doctor showed me exactly what to do, and everything went off without a hitch. The doctor then finally handed me my newborn daughter.

 Other than the delivering doctor, I was the first person to hold my daughter. This is something I always think about. I was the first family member to get to hold my daughter, and I am extremely honored for that privilege. But in a counter point, my wife was unable to hold our daughter for the first few minutes. Since she had to be opened, she was essentially strapped to a table. I always hated that fact. From all the joy and excitement in that room, my wife was unable to hold her daughter and had to watch me hold her.

Once the operation was completed, we were sent back into the room. We got about an hour to just be the three of us together like we had requested. I definitely recommend this to everyone. This was a moment that my new family had a chance to just be together without interruptions. After this, the nurses let us know that they needed to observe Izzy for a few hours, and that we should rest for a while. After being reassured that everything would be fine and that this was very normal, we finally got some quiet for us. Looking back, I’m pretty sure the nurses just wanted to give us a chance to rest since we were both completely and utterly exhausted. I was checking on my wife when my mother-in-law came back into the room. After a quick hug I looked over to my wife and was asking her if she needed anything. Both her and my mother-in-law let me know that everything was alright and to just get some rest. I scoffed a little bit because I was sure I was not going to get any sleep.

I slept for 13 hours straight.

Needless to say, I was a bit exhausted. I woke up to our daughter back in our room crying. She was just recently fed and was in need of a diaper change. Being up and refreshed, I went to change the diaper. This was the first diaper change for me. Now, when I had talked to people about diapers, I was told that it wasn’t as bad as I thought and that it would be easier the more times I did it. So, while a little nervous, I was prepared to get this done. I got over to her, took the little onesie off of her, and undid the diaper. MY wonderful daughter decided that this was the time that EVERYTHING needed to come out. She decided to pee, poop, AND spit up at the same exact moment. Looking back, this is a fun story to tell people about the fun’s of fatherhood. That being said, in the moment I immediately threw my hands up. In my head, I had done something wrong and had broken my daughter. Thank god for nurses, because she helped me get everything clean up and get my daughter cleaned up. I can’t remember her name but thank you nurse. Nowadays diapers don’t phase me (other than the small on occasion), and I like to think that’s because my first diaper change was essentially a trial by fire.

After all the shenanigans were finally allowed to go home. While my wife was talking to her parents, I took our daughter down to the bedroom and was busy getting her out of her car seat. Of course, I had to do this one-handed because I had a Very excited and very curious cat trying to snuggle with a newborn that was now terrified of a giant fur-ball staring into her soul. Finally, I was able to get both Milo (our cat) and our daughter situated in our house. No more direct help from the hospital. It was now up to me and my wife.

The first months of 2 hours of sleep.

Now, when every someone talks about their first child, usually sleep is mentioned. Let me tell you: it is precisely as they say. I think my wife and I got a combined 10 hours of sleep across the first five days. They say to sleep when the baby sleeps. But that is a bit difficult when you are also trying to make sure that the baby isn’t dead in her crib or worrying about every weird little sound she makes when she is asleep. So, yes, we didn’t really get a lot of sleep.

We also tried to take care of our daughter in shifts. That didn’t really work, because we would usually both wake up when the other went to take care of our daughter. MY wife and I also had a different approach to nightly bottles. My wife would hold her and soothe her from start to finish, while I would let her stay in the crib while I would prepare a formula bottle. This was mainly because I knew that our daughter was fine in the crip, and I wanted to focus on making sure the bottle was done properly (reminder, I was still pretty anxious about being a father).

I don’t know if this was ever a major issue, but there were times when my wife would go in and get her up while I was getting the bottle prepared. As a first-time father, this was frustrating to me because I felt like I had everything under control and that my wife almost didn’t trust me. Nowadays, Im sure this is just because we both had a different approach.

Because of the nightly bottles, both of us were definitely tired. I can guarantee this led to some misunderstandings and short tempers. Thankfully, both my wife and I have learned to talk things out as well as put a pin in something if we are both feeling a bit hot headed. Usually, the issues just were a symptom of being exhausted and a bit overwhelmed from a new child.

Missing Firsts

Eventually, I needed to get back to working. I was in my student teaching program the time of my daughter’s birth, so I only had a week to stay at my house with my wife. The first day back was tough and great at the same time. The teachers, the paras, and the students were all so excited when I returned. That being said, there was one key problem: I was exhausted. Of course, I was also worried about my wife and daughter, but I was able to push through that. The one thing I didn’t think of was the fact that I would miss some of my daughter’s firsts.

Because I am the sole financial provider for my family, I needed to return to work to keep us afloat. I knew this was going to be a thing before my daughter was even born. That didn’t make the move back into working any easier. I missed my daughters first time sitting up, I missed her first laugh, I missed her first time rolling over, and I missed her first time in the snow. As a father, this was painful and frustrating. Here I was working and making money, but I felt like I was missing everything at home. Looking back, I realize that this is just a fact of the situation, but it still hurts from time to time. I also remind myself that I was indeed the first one to hold my daughter, so it would only be fair to miss out on a few.

I also was able to be home when my daughter started crawling. This was exciting and fun for about 5 minutes. Then we realized that “Oh! Our daughter is now mobile, and we haven’t really got everything in the room baby proofed!” So, the panic set in.

My daughter is now a very fast crawler, and she will be out of a room in seconds if you have her eyes off of her. Because of that, there is baby gates and playpens set up so she can’t freely travel into other rooms. I am very thankful for that.

Final Thoughts and Reflections

Being a father is tough. Heck, being a parent is tough. There is a lot to learn and relearn in the first year. But it is so worth it. I love my daughter to death, and she is one of the most important people in my life. The older and bigger she gets, the more I feel that we have a special bond and enjoy being around each other. Its also made me love my wife so much more. There is just something special about seeing the love of your wife become the mother of your child. There is some special connection that is made that just makes that person become the ultimate person in your life.

For all the new and expecting fathers reading this. A lot of this is just effort. You are going to be bad at the beginning, and you’re going to make a mistake here and there. The important thing is to be there and never give up. You will figure it out, and you will be so happy that you stuck around and tried. I cannot picture myself anywhere else but here with my wife and daughter. Fatherhood is a mess of excitement and fears, but it is also the single greatest experience a man can have.